Noisy Lovers
What's it all about?
Do you make noise when you make love? Do you make a noise when you reach orgasm? Some "noisy lovers" can't help themselves; men in the throes of orgasm and ejaculation are the most noisy. It's good to make a sound because if you try to smother sound during orgasm, you will discover the whole of your body will go rigid and tense, and the sensations of orgasm will be much less intense. Letting yourself go, vocalizing completely, will relax you, making the build-up of sensations more easily achieved and more intense in quality.
Also, as one lover told me: "You made a noise when I did some particular thing to you; it made me feel excellent. I thought I must be doing my stuff today, and I wanted to do even better. The more you let me know how much you were enjoying what I was doing to you, the more sexually excited I felt myself becoming. Then when you let rip as you ejaculated, I swear it made me come ever so much more wildly, and afterwards I felt so good, because I'd done this to you." I told her that she could be right because I found whenever I made love with a partner who was also a bit on the noisy side, that my sexual arousal seemed much more intense. I also told her that I got all uptight if I couldn't shout out loud as I ejaculated, and I suggested she try it and see if it affected her. Initially, she was a little self-conscious about doing it, but she soon got the hang of it. She enthusiastically assured me that I was right; she had never reached orgasm so wildly and enthusiastically before, and she was sorry she'd not known about it before.
Now, there's a downside to all this, of course - the potential for lovers to deceive...when they are not incredibly excited, a few moans and groans can be a convincing way of telling your partner that you're still right up there with him/her....and for a woman, faking orgasm, it may be a way to reassure her man he is a great lover. (Not that this is a good strategy, of course, since it's a fundamental breach of trust.) I have even had men in counseling sessions tell me how they "need" to vocalize during sex because they want to persuade their partner they are orgasming - these being men who suffer from delayed ejaculation or who have trouble climaxing during intercourse. They usually need the force of their hand to get them to orgasm. Unusual but another exciting reflection on people's reasons for vocalizing during sex.
The Sounds of Sex
Besides releasing physical and sexual tension, which relaxes the muscles and other organs involved in fucking, making sex much more intense, there is a sound psychological reason for noise at climax being partner-st self-stimulating. We make love to one another because we want to show our partner how emotionally involved we are with him/her, and how deeply we try to get across by making sex as intensely stimulating and satisfying as possible by extending foreplay. As my lover wisely pointed out after she'd done it once or twice, how can one know if one pleases someone unless they express how appreciative they are? When a couple makes love in complete silence, you must assume everything is going OK because they are not complaining! Suppose we are told how good we are at sexually stimulating our partner, not in so many words, but with the sigh of indrawn breath, long drawn-out "Ahs" and "Ohs," paintings, whimpers, groans, moans, and any suitable comments that come into our heads. In that case, we have greater self-confidence and sexual self-esteem, making us want to do even better. What's more, we do better; and feel good because our partner feels good.
And finally, a little rude talk can be highly arousing, wildly if shouting "fuck me harder" at the top of your voice breaks a few taboos for you! (The hardest I ever came was when a lover unexpectedly told me to "fuck her hot wet cunt, NOW!")
Outside Sex
Trying to make love in places that will make the sex session physically uncomfortable seems hardly worthwhile. Comfort and security are essential to any lovemaking couple because of the power of the mind over how we function physically. Even so, al fresco sex can be fantastic. It is not only a welcome change of scene that can often make it very good indeed, but an added sensuousness comes from the constant caress, even on a hot day, of air circulating around the bodies. But the conditions have got to be right.
We once had a house with a garden surrounded by a high wall that shielded it entirely from the windows of the nearby houses. We took a rug outside during the summer and stretched out naked in the sun. Every time we did this, we convinced ourselves that our primary object was sunbathing, but unfailingly, sooner or later, the heat and the little breeze which always played around in the garden would make one or both of us feel sexually aroused. When we made contact, we still pretended to be sunbathing by making sex as leisurely and lazy as possible, relying on fingertips more than tongue tips so that we moved only a little. Even when we felt the need to have sex, we would lie like that for half an hour or more, without movement, lie there and let the sun and breeze kiss our bodies, and feel the inward flow of sensations moving around our belly and thighs, penis and balls, vulva and breasts, slowly but inexorably building up of their own accord until the moment came that we could hold back no longer. Just three or four swings of the buttocks were enough to make us both climax during intercourse with huge noisy gasps of outrushing breath.
Not many people have suitable secure gardens in which they can make love. But most people can find secret secluded spots with a bit of effort. If you have found such a spot, use rugs, blankets, or equipment to make your lovemaking as comfortable as possible. It is sometimes possible to find a deserted spot on the shore, away from the fashionable crowded beaches. If you ever find yourself in such a situation, try this workout. Choose a spot where the sand is firm. Soft sand can play havoc in several areas of naked bodies. Spread out your towels and go into your lovemaking. When the time comes to enjoy sexual intercourse, go down to the water's edge. The man lies down on his back, his legs in the sea up to his waist. The woman lies on him, and as the waves break gently over them, she takes charge of proceedings and brings them to climax. If she can time it so they have the first throb of orgasm as a wave breaks over them, the sexual and orgasm sensations can be fantastic!
If you can manage it, an occasional outdoor sex session can be a wild experience.
Status Symbols
Keeping up with your friends and acquaintances sexually is foolish. Everyone has their desired level of sexual interaction. What someone else is doing sexually isn't relevant to you except insofar as you can get good ideas from them.
Another myth is that every time you have sex, the woman has to reach orgasm (come). Many women are often quite happy to be pleasured without coming every time. Equally, the idea of coming together (or simultaneous orgasm) can lead you up paths of false hope and expectation. Simultaneous orgasm is a pretty good sexual experience, but the timing of simultaneous orgasm is so tricky that even expert lovers cannot easily achieve it at will. When it happens, more often than not, the two orgasms are less intense than usual when the woman starts to orgasm, and the man follows. And why? First, in trying to come together, the couple usually concentrates so much on this result that they don't pay the attention they should to sexual foreplay and build-up techniques. Second, suppose the man happens to come first, more often than not. In that case, he can't continue thrusting long enough to know how to bring a woman to orgasm with his penis and has to get off her and finish with a finger or mouth - which necessitates a break in the build-up of her arousal and could put her right off - while if the man makes sure that his partner gets her pleasure before he does, while he is bringing himself to the same happy conclusion he is giving his partner a bonus of sensations because the woman's orgasm sensations last much longer than the man's.
What of Multiple Orgasms? Some sexually well-attuned women have the experience of coming two or three times quickly to the man's once during a single sex session. For some people, great sex positions mean three or four orgasms in one session; for others, ten, twenty, or thirty in an hour. For most women, however, multiple orgasms is a technique that has to be acquired, and many women can't get the hang of it at all. There is no need for them to get the hang of it; for the simple reason that their first orgasm is so good they are completely satisfied. Women who can't come two or three times may worry because they think they must have something wrong with them, and men who can't bring their partner to climax more than once are beginning to lose faith in themselves as lovers. If they think like this, they will eventually feel so sexually inadequate that they will become wholly inadequate and unable to fuck! Multiple orgasms don't matter!
When they embark on a sex session, a couple should have three ends in view:
(i) To provide one another with a crescendo of sensuous pleasure
(ii) To have fun doing it and to overcome difficulty or trouble reaching orgasm
(iii) To reach orgasm with the most incredible orgasm possible and have the best sex ever to relieve physical tensions and show each other how deep their mutual love is.
Simultaneous orgasms, multiple orgasms, how often you have any orgasm: all are meaningless unless these three conditions are fulfilled.